Overshare. It's what I do.

I have so much to do today and I am sitting here on my ass reading crap online that really has no relevance to my life. Meh.
I need to clean up around here.
Then I need to drag boxes o' crap in here.
Then I will get frustrated because it is messy again.
I need to then deck my halls.
Then clear out the clutter. ( I almost typed clitter. I should leave it. That lil friend needs attention too)
Then I can relax with a bottle of vino, my hubby. the Andy Williams Christmas Album and sparkly lights.
Maybe. If I get off my ass and get it done.

DECK THE HALLS.

Sorry, I was soooooooooo slack with Turkey Day Pics. I only took one pic of my bread. You really do not want to see dough. Trust.
Today is the day we drag out all the hoo has and pretty lights.

Let Us Break Bread Together!

Or eat it.......

I am starting with a Sourdough. The starter is about 3 weeks old. So far it has done pretty well.
Yes there will be pictures~

Turkey Day and all that.

We traditionally run crazy this time of the year. Especially when we BOTH were in the hospitality industry. Even with my parents being in Florida, we still run around like the proverbial Rhode Island Red with no head. ( We had a RIR, he was one mean sumbitch, his name was Hong Kong Phoey, long story...). We have tried to be as accommodating with our older kids as our parents have been with us. It gets to a point though when you have to say "Hey, people, this is where we are gonna be, this is what time we are eating, our bus leaves at this time". It makes things so much easier.
I also in the past have made a dinner just for our kids, significant others, and grandkids. One of the reasons is because we typically would both be working Turkey Day and it would be the only chance to sit down with them. This year we are just gonna stick with going to my sister in law's in Georgia. I will still make some awesome bread and Bill is planning a pumpkin pie. I will be testing bread recipes tomorrow.
Our family has changed in some ways since last Turkey Day, jobs, people coming and going out of our lives, but we still all need time to break bread as a family and appreciate each other.
Stay tuned for trial bread~!

My Husband gets pissy when I am right.

He gets pissy alot.

To everything there is a season.

Well, my baby girl, my first born ,my oldest offspring turned 21 today. It also marks the 20th anniversary of a dear friend of my husband's. RIP Johnny.

I of course, am recollecting back to that first night with Haley when I was all hormonal. Nobody told me...or I did not listen...to the fact that there would be pain AFTER. WTF?? I had just pushed this 9 lb 7 oz, 24 inch long bundle of absolute perfection out of my vertical smile. The pain should be DONE. But no.......however they eventually brought me good drugs and after I fought with a nurse ( this was the early days of rooming in and a few nurses were not hip to the concept) I settled down with my baby girl for a good cry. Her dad was off getting me real food.

I, at the time did not have the best relationship with my mother. I was a daddy's girl. My mother was also a change of life baby that was 20 years younger than her youngest brother. There was a whole different vibe when she was growing up. I think I disappointed her with my independence at the time. I also think she was a tad jealous. It is funny though how now she is one of my favorite people . Our bond has grown as we have aged and I actually want to be around my parents. Those two are tons of blog posts in themselves. I will give you one hint. Diabeetus.

The past 21 years have not been all unicorns and rainbows. Cuz, garsh, she was another version of me. And there were times that my illness just did not let me be the best of moms. But we made it. And she has made it. She is an awesome mommy to my grandkids. Maddie actually CHOSE to go with her home instead of staying with Namma and Poppop. The nerve of the kid.
( Haley, my oldest and Maddie, my GRAND)

So Happy Birthday Sweetheart. I hope all your wishes come true.

Ch-Ch-Changes

I am gonna be revamping and moving Wild and Untamed Thing. Until I dig the techy know how out of the dregs of my brain I will continue here. I kinda want this to be more than just my drunken ramblings about my family. While they are awesome to talk about and even MORE awesome when I am drinking, I have more to offer you.
I take pretty pichurs.
I bake.
I create devine stuffs to eat with my hubby.
We have a neat life and I kinda want my space on the web to journal that life. So you can be jealous. Ok not really, so you can share.
Now it ain't all pecan pies and lobster newburg. Nope. I also have bi-polar and my husband has some issues with his legs. My oldest child has some upheaval in her life. My 18 year old son is just that. An 18 year old boy/man. Nuff said.
There is also lil mis perfect. My 12 year old. Who I homeschool and who is my best bud. Well she is unless she does not clean the bathrooms.
I want to write. Alot. I just do not seem to have the time. I failed miserably in my goal of 31 days of posts because I was NOT failing at my life. Kinda ironic huh? That not meeting a goal was actually a sign of success in other areas of my life. The reason that I could not meet those posts was because I was doing so well professionally and emotionally. I wanted to do something other than cling to my laptop. I spent more time with my kids and hubby. And of course Madeline....who is the best granddaughter EVAH.

That's right Maddie...the future is so bright we gotta wear shades.

Tell me again why there is no "House Of Red" on Bravo?

Or TLC? Seriously. This entire family is whackadoodle enough to support at least 2 seasons. I even though about carrying the Flip around and doing a podcast but we would offend too many people. There would not be enough material left.

Want a few examples?

I took a nap today. I apparently took too long in getting outing of bed to finish dinner. Mr Red decided to fire up the electric leaf blower and blast me with it. While this was amusing to the rest of the family ( and a lot of Facebook friends ) I was NOT amused.

Mr Red does not have his own lappy. Because he has been all " I don't need that" til he discovered MS Chess. Now he does love to play with himself. And now he can play with himself in one more way...... This creates issues. I am going to reward him with a new lappy after Christmas but in the meantime if I take a nap or go to sleep I run the risk of my BFF being stolen. Oh and he changes my desktop image to crap like this:

One of his pet names for me is "Boozehilda" Which he SO STOLE from Jack on "Will and Grace". Is it my fault I love the creature??

**PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE CATHOLIC OR LOVE A PENGUIN**
Now my family, all sides, is made up of a lot of religions and a lot of nationalities. Hell, my husband is a cheap ass skirt wearing hunk o'Scottish Love. I am more Irish than Scottish but I can outdrink both of them. My BFFFFFFF since second grade ( who is also my husband's cousin) is a Vietnamese hottie that my kids and her niece lovingly call "Gook". We are very irreverent and do not take ourselves or others seriously. We have an odd view of death and fitting in to society in general. Go figure.
Now I also have to tell you that we have a lot of Nuns in the family. One in particular was Aunt Martha. God Rest Her Soul. She was a piece of work. I could really expand on this because she is not my blood, but I will not. I like being married.

However, I was watching the original "AmityVille Horror" today on Netflix. In fact I stopped to blog. Yes I stopped a movie to tell you a story.

I lurve you that much.

So the Lutzes were dealing with a stinky black tarry substance in their toilet when Aunt Penguin showed up. Now in my house icky, smelly toilets are not far fetched because I have 2 teen boys that regularly lay logs in them. I can barely get them to flush let alone give us a courtesy flush, ya know?
Anyblackcommode, in my family the dog hides, the ferret squeaks, and the mirrors crack when one of the Penguins comes by. This is why I just cannot give that lil episode any any credence. Well that and the whole thing is a bunch of hooey, but that would not make my point would it?


My almost 21 year old daughter still loves to run by and pinch my boobs. No clue on this one. You got me. I will take donations for therapy for both of us.




Which brings me to this. I swear we are a nice upper middle class family. We have a Volvo and a boat. So when you read this, please do not send airfare to Jerry Springer.

Those of you that know me well, know that I realize that my kids are not perfect. I am the first to tell you that. In fact I know how twisted they are because well.. They are my offspring.Duh. I am also highly protective of these slightly dysfunctional younger versions of myself and my beloved. My BFFFF says more like a Lion and her Cub. As in * while I claw your throat out*. Maybe not literally but that will be only because MR Red and a Court Order are holding me back.
I was gonna take part of my Oldest's Facebook note today to explain a few things but then I decided not to. Let's just say that my future ex-son-in-law is NOT doing right by his children. Let's just say that this time I am 100% taking my daughter's side. Let's just say that he is on notice. And I have a few things to say.
Ahem.

I may not have been a perfect mom. I am still not. I however have a stable marriage, a lot of friends at Family Court and the local Judge is my next door neighbor.One of my dearest friends is the editor of the local paper. This is a small town. A nice human interest story on" Grandparents Helping Raise Grandchildren" is already in the works. Course I would have to mention details. Ahem. LIKE THE PORN THAT IS STILL COMING TO MY HOUSE FROM WHEN YOU LIVED HERE. I also happen to have a LOT MORE $$$ in my corner to back a fight than you and yours do. So bring it. This ain't my first rodeo and my horse is favored to win.

Yeah OK I am slack.

But I will make up it up to you.
APPARENTLY My good friend Vicki over at http://glitterfrog.blogspot.com/ thinks I am TEH.AWESOME.
I made her some art. Yep and I was SOBER!
I know I have been a bad blogger, I will gladly line up for spankings. Just let me get Mr GrumpyBear out of my hair. I wanted to make smores and drink copious amounts of vino by the fire pit but he had to go and be all responsible and shit and say "You are still sick and it is humid and 45 degrees." Fucker. He can louse up a good wet dream.


But before I get to the art, let me tell you a story.
We had to go to Charleston today because well WACHOVIA sucks. WE sent 2 checks, one for my Volvo payment, the other for the note on the House O'Red. Well MR Red put the wrong voucher in with the wrong check. They could not have one dept talk to the other and straighten this out. And they wonder why I stopped the auto debit. ANYFRICKINSTOOPIDFINANCIALINSTITUTION.......we had to go to Chucktown to sort it out. While we were there lil miss perfect needed some jeans- which can only be purchased at aeropostale. Because she is petite, skinny, and has just a touch of bubblebutt, which is way cute but hard to fit-and they had a sale and I wanted to go to the mall. So we went. On the way back we stopped a Publix. I love publix. I will drive an hour to shop at Publix. When we were turning into the parking lot, this woman walked RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAR. In the parking lot of all places. Now I was not driving, which is why she was not run over.
But she looked at us like this:


She was rather indignant. Like we were driving on the sidewalk or something ( I only do that in my neighborhood). We parked and as we were walking by her car she muttered something. I do not speak "stoopid" so I do not know what she said. All I know is she sat there and waited til we were in the store, got out of her car, walked over to mine, smacked it's ass and left. I kid you not. SHE SPANKED MY CAR.

This shit only happens to me kiddos. I just cannot make this stuff up.