The Department Of Internet Posting and Licensing Bureau

Please note : The author wishes to clarify something. There may be offense taken at this post but it was written in jest. You know satire. Humor, you remember that.

It has been a long time since I took a creative writing class. I will not tell you how long. I do not want to age myself - I think Mork and Mindy were involved. It has also been a REALLY long time since I took any type of English class. Not fancy pancy literature but good ol grammar.
Still I think I have a good grasp of the elements and I do try to enforce them with my children. It is going to be a challenge though to home school my child with out someone in this house giggling at just at the mere hint of something dangling. Participle or not. I must admit that part of the hesitation is that I am a punctuation, spelling, and grammar snob all rolled into one. I think people should have to pass a test to get on the internet.

Just like I think people should have to pass a test to be parents, I think there should be a course, and then you have to have a license. Or you go to jail. It would definitely stop all those silly arguments when someone points out that someone else has used the wrong "your". Personally that turns into an awesome drinking game but that is not the point. There ( not their or they're) are also people that need to turn off the textspeak, but that is another post all together. (did you catch that?)

This brings up the delicate point of people that ,well, um, are apparently not educated at all. People that would not normally mix with others except online. Like on FB. Most internet forums are going to have mostly like minded, similarly educated people. Facebook lumps everyone into one big ole melting pot. Now the posting in question may not even be one of your friends, but a friend of a friend. Or a fan of your favorite TV show. This brings out the "ese" that you are not normally exposed to. It sends chills up your spine. You weep for the poster because they have clearly and blatantly posted their ignorance for the whole World Wide Web to see. Then you shudder as you realize that if, in Real Life, there were cartoon balloons that captioned what we said....THEIRS WOULD LOOK JUST LIKE THAT.

Makes you think huh? Makes me crack the hell up envisioning walking around Wal-mart. I would not be able to breathe. I would literally be ROTFLPIMP. That thought alone right there, boys and girls, makes me realize that all people have a purpose, even if it is only for my entertainment. I still do not want to share the internet though.

It also pains me to admit that there are people I hold dear that cannot spell. For the record that person is directly related to me and does not read this so please, do not think I secretly mock you. Besides, you all well know that I mock openly.( I also want you all to know that while the things mentioned above are a pet peeve, I really do not want to miss out on great people because of a silly bias. I realize that not everyone can be as smart or wonderful as me. If someone I hold dear even came close to my ridicule I would discretely let them know. I am all helpful like that.)

Now for your creative writing assignment: What is your earliest memory of Halloween?